Jesus Isn’t Into Sharing

For some reason this week I was reflecting on how hard I used to have to work at being a good Christian and how it comes so naturally now. Why is it so different?

Flashback to the early to mid-90s, I truly had myself fooled that I was representing the Lord pretty well. I was always in church, at the church, or chasing whatever revival was nearby. I just couldn’t be in church enough. In looking back I can see how much I was struggling to be ‘a good Christian.’ I couldn’t see it then because I was too busy doing church stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying there is anything wrong with church involvement – just that for me it was a hiding place where I could feel like I was being a good Christian. After all, I was busy for the Lord right?

I kept tripping and falling over and over again. I was always losing my temper or control of my tongue. I was constantly in a cycle of hyper faith, failure, and repentance. Sometimes the cycles would last only hours and others I might have squeaked out a little longer. I would try so hard to follow all of the do’s and don’ts I heard laid out week after week but I just couldn’t seem to live Christianity out. Over and over again I would start praying a prayer of re-commitment and stop because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to live it out.

The Lord showed me this week the problem, He said to me “It is because in the past you tried to share your life with me instead of giving your life to me.” To me that answer was so simple and yet to profound.

That was exactly it – my problem all of those years was that I wanted Christ in my life but only when, where, and how I wanted Him. I have control issues and I was not willing to give up control of my life so I tried to share.

The Bible tells us:

  • I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing – but I planted myself just close enough to the Lord and church to have the association but not close enough that it would really impact my life and I could still do everything that I wanted
  • If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me – but I followed just close enough to see Him and His work in the far distance – but not close enough that I might be expected to be a part of the real stuff
  • Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness – instead of seeking Him first I sought whatever I deemed right for me at the moment
  • Do not worry about tomorrow – I lived in a constant state of worry over every.single.thing every.single.moment of every.single.day

It just wasn’t working for me – because Jesus isn’t that into sharing. I was trying to serve two masters and that never works.

I realized that because I chose not to give Him my life, chose not to completely surrender – my life could never have been that reflection of Him that I wanted it to be.

Without giving Him my life I was unwittingly not giving Him my pain, my heartbreak, my anger, my sins. Without giving Him my life I couldn’t receive His peace, His love, His forgiveness, freedom found only through Him, and reconciliation to God.

I could see all the He had to offer to me, all that He had died so that He could give me but I was unable to grasp Him and His free gifts because my hands we too full holding onto the tatters of my life. The more I tried to hang-on and control my life, the more that I was pulling it apart at the seams.

I can remember praying “God, I want to be good but I can’t. Take away my free will and make me be good. I am okay with that because it is the only way I can make it.” But God in His wisdom and His unfathomable love for me would never have done that. Instead, He let me keep making my own choices good and bad – mostly bad for a very long time.

Instead of leaving me when I made those bad choices, He was always there. I chose not to see Him. As a matter of fact there came a point where I believed that I had gone too far and that I was beyond His love and His grace. I didn’t care then because I believed He had let me down – after all I had done for Him. Oh yes, these were my thoughts and beliefs for many years. Still, I know now that He stayed very close to me.

After a long time, my heart began to soften and I began to think that God wasn’t such a monster using me as a pawn for His entertainment. I began to think about Him again and began exploring who the Bible teaches us that He is. What I found astounded me, how could I have missed it for so long? I missed that He loved me with a love beyond my imagination, far beyond my comprehension. He loved me whether I was living for Him or not. He loved me enough to die for me even if I turned my back on Him. He loved me when I spat at Him and His church for the pain I was feeling and He loved me when I swore never to grace the doors of another church. HE.LOVED.ME. and nothing that I did or ever could do would change that.

Don’t just read the words in that last paragraph – inhale them. Let Him make them come alive in you if you are not already overcome by that love. HE LOVES YOU and there is NOTHING that you can ever do to change that.

The power of that unfailing love washed over me as never before in my life. In the presence of that kind of love I freely and willingly gave my entire life to Him to use as He wished. In the presence of that kind of love there was no fear of what He might do with my life, no fear that I might fail Him again. The revelation of His love was a life-changer for me. Now I wanted to serve this God, before I only wanted to not go to Hell. I wanted to live my life to bring honour to Him, to bring glory to Him.

That laundry list of do’s and don’ts became a thing of the past because we do not live under the law but under a new covenant. In the revelation of His great love was freedom and security. In the revelation of His great love I could truly rest in Him.

Now I cling to Him for my hope and my support. I know that there is no other place that my help comes from but Him.  I know that if I do trip and fall that He is right there to catch me or to help me get back on my feet again. I know that He doesn’t get angry with me and start looking for ways to punish me when I disappoint Him. Now I am quick to believe the best about Him because I have come to understand His character as a loving God who pursued me through some very ugly things when I thought He would wash His hands of me and my filthy rags.

I cannot live in the presence of a love like this without wanting to give myself over to it. In the presence of a love like this there is an eagerness to please because there is an assurance that my best interest is His primary goal.

Have you fully given your life over to Him or are you just trying to share it and hold onto the things in and of the world? Do you realize His great love for you? I know you may sing the songs and have likely heard the words all your life. But do you KNOW it in your heart? Let the words sink in deep – JESUS LOVES YOU – meditate on them and let Him show you just how real this love is. Ask Him to flood you with His presence and fill your senses with Himself. He is right there waiting for an invitation…

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Maxine Stevens
    Oct 17, 2012 @ 08:35:02

    Well stated. I think that we have all been in that same situation perhaps more than once. But God’s unfailing love for us will always bring surrender if we but pause and rest in it. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. Dean E.
    Oct 16, 2012 @ 00:17:48

    BINGO!! You got it! Thank you for putting it down for others to see.

    Like

    Reply

  3. Sherrill Kivell
    Oct 15, 2012 @ 21:32:07

    Love love love

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