God’s Holy Scooper

The recent writings about my previous life have left me a bit raw.  It feels like there is a cleansing process happening – that the Lord has me opened up and He is scooping out the garbage that was deposited into my heart and mind.

At first I was afraid of this – I was a bit afraid of what would be left when He was finished.  I have been this way for so long.  Would I know how to even be without all of that stuff?  Would I know how to feel about life or how to respond to the things in the world around me?

Would I feel hollow inside?  It hardly seems conceivable to me that all of that stuff could be gone.  It was unsettling to think that way.  The Lord began to show me that because I was uncertain of what was to come, I was not allowing Him to do the work in me that He so longed to do.

I think back to a message that my husband Tim shared recently about the Israelites.  He talked about how, when Moses was on the Mount Sinai spending time with God, the Israelites turned away from God and back to idols.  They convinced Aaron to make a golden calf for them to worship.  (Ex. 32:1-6)

They had been delivered from plagues, from Egypt – God even parted the Red Sea to facilitate their freedom.  They were first hand witnesses to miracle after miracle yet when their spiritual leader was gone for a little while they fell back.  They got their eyes off of God and decided that they needed something to look at – something to worship.

I can’t fathom this, but we know that it is true.  I try to understand why they didn’t just wait for Moses to come back…  Why did they feel this strong desire to have something familiar to worship even though they knew that it was God who brought them through and kept them safe and fed?  But they didn’t wait, they turned back to idols, to religion because it was familiar – they knew what to expect – they could control the out-come.

Choosing to wait on Moses would be out of their comfort level.  They wouldn’t know what to expect and they certainly couldn’t control the out-come.  They were not willing to give over control of their worship or control of their lives to God.  They would rather have the known than the unknown – even if there was pain and slavery and no power for them in the known.  To stay inside their comfort level they gave up freedom and power – and for some, their lives.

Was I doing the same thing with my memories, with  my pain?  Was I holding on to the familiar so tightly that I was not willing to let God work in me because I was afraid of the out-come?  I wasn’t in control of the process so it seemed safer to stick with the familiar than to trust God and allow Him to begin His work in me.  Once again the father of lies had been whispering in my ear, filling my head with these fearful thoughts of the unknown.  Whispering suggestions that I was doing okay now – why not just stay in my comfortable place at least a while longer…

But God’s Word is a lamp unto my feet and He will illuminate the lies of satan if it is truly our hearts desire to follow God.  He has a standing invitation in my life to mess with my thinking, my emotions and any other thing that He sees fit…  I know that He doesn’t start stirring the pot for the sake of stirring.  He starts stirring things up and showing me things for my benefit, so that I can grow in my walk with Him, so that I can heal from things that I didn’t even realize were still hurting me and holding me back.  He stirs things up so that I can fulfill the work that He has laid out for me to do without hesitation.  He stirs things up so that I can be whole and live a life pointing back at Him as my source, my strength, my all.

Back to that cleansing process that I feel like God has started in me.  I truly do feel like God has got a big scooper and He is meticulously scooping out things and we are dissecting them together.  He pulls out a pile of stuff and says “Look Kris – we need to work on that for a bit.”  The work isn’t always easy, but He holds my hand He guides me and helps me when I feel like I just can’t do anymore.

I am no longer afraid of what will be left when He is finished, whenever that may be.  I know that what will be left will be from Him, new attitudes towards the things of the past, new ways of looking at things and new ways of dealing with them.  I know that what will be left when all is said and done what is left will be glorious because it will be a work of His hands – a masterpiece.

I can close my eyes and see that He has other scoopers all lined up.  He will begin to use the smaller ones as we go along until finally there will only be a tiny one that can hardly be seen with the human eye.  He will leave nothing that doesn’t belong inside me – He will work diligently at pulling all of the pain and the lies into the light for dissection.  He will complete a perfect work in me as long as I continue to allow Him to do so – and I will.

I saw this over the Halloween season (and you probably did too).  Just as I was about to publish this post I remembered it…  It is cure and so very true:

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

pumpkin guts

Image by ¡♥ıʞns via Flickr

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff– including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

How about you?  Are there things that He wants to dissect with you?  Are you willing to trust Him to go into those deep places and allow Him to begin a work in you?

I would love to hear your thoughts…  Something that you have to say might help me or someone else on their walk to healing, please leave a comment below if you are comfortable in doing so…  If you would like to contact me directly/privately, you may do so by emailing me at krislukings [at] gmail [dot] com or through Facebook using the link to the right.

Also, if you don’t want to miss the next post when it comes, you can sign up to receive these messages in your inbox using the link to the right.

Blessings…

God Speaks in the Most Unusual Ways…

So, I recently noticed that the thumbnail on my left hand has a small indentation in it. Curious, I thought as I took notice and I ran my finger over it as if to try to understand it. Then there it was, the memory of my thumb being closed in a car door when I was a child. We were just arriving at my grandparents house – excited to be on my way to the county fair with my aunt and my sisters. I am not sure exactly how my thumb was closed in the door – but I will never forget the immediate moments that followed.

Since I found this little scar from my childhood, it seems that I focus on it a lot. I remember the pain that was associated with that injury. I remember how I screamed and cried when the door had to be opened to release my thumb, how the nail turned an array of colours finally turning black and eventually falling off. I remember being amazed that beneath what had become such a grotesque part of me was a brand new nail. At first seemingly perfect with the exception that it was a bit thin and not a lot of protection for a tom-boy such as me… As time progressed, the tom-boy in me was becoming a smaller and smaller part of who I was. I was trying out more ‘girlie’ things and wanted to grow my nails out. Funny, the replacement nail would grow only a little and without fail, it would fracture. I learned to accept that my nails, especially that nail, would never be lovely and feminine. Still, I never noticed the indentation which I am sure now is exactly what causes the fracture to occur in the first place.

As the Lord begins to speak to me about things much deeper than my fingernail, I am as surprised by what I am hearing and finding as I was about the indentation that I somehow missed for over thirty years. The Lord is asking me, “What other damage was there so long ago that you think has healed and maybe, it hasn’t?” “What else has left a mark that inevitably causes things to be fractured?” Most importantly, “Will you let me show you and let me heal those things completely?” Wow.

Why is it that when I trust God with my whole heart, this is a frightening question? I know things that I have hidden away that I don’t want to remember, to me, they are healed. If they aren’t, what will I have to endure to dig them up? I do trust God with my whole heart – with everything that is within me. So truly, why am I afraid? I fear because God never said that life would be painless and I don’t like pain.

However, because I do trust in my Saviour, I know that His plans for me are for good and not for evil. If there are things that He is telling me to deal with, then it is because He loves me and wants me free from even the things that maybe I don’t see with my natural eyes. And more than anything, I want to be the woman that He wants me to be.

Here goes………………..

I would love to hear your thoughts…  Leave me a comment below.

Intimacy

Some thoughts from last year…

How many times do we take our significant others for granted? We would never do so intentionally, but our busy lives just take over. Most of us are on auto-pilot, we get up, go to work and/or take care of our children all day, prepare dinner, put the kids to bed – by the end of the day, we just collapse and let our minds vegetate or move on to other projects. We all have our ways of doing this. Mine, is crashing on the couch with the tv on, computer in my lap and puppy on my feet. Even in my rest, I am multi-tasking and I would guess that many of you do this too. Most of us would say we are just too tired to read our bibles or study. We have worked long and hard and just need to rest, so life goes on, day by day – on auto-pilot just getting through it all.

My favourite days of the week are Sunday and Wednesday. These are days that I have commitments for church & bible study. These days fulfill the need and desire to worship the Lord. Times that I can slow down and concentrate on His character and learn more about how I should be changing… I often wonder about this. Why, if these are my favourite days, do I not study more at home, take more time to pause and worship the Lord?

As I am writing this, it is just past 11 and I have just given in to go to bed even though I should have been asleep hours ago. As I settle in, I touch my husband’s face and tell him that I love him. As he mumbles incoherently, I smile because I know that he is trying to return the sentiment. As I look at him, I see him – I mean really see him. This is the man that I fell in love with, the man that I want to live out the rest of my days with. I marvel at the rush of emotions that flood through me. All of those beautiful feelings from new love are stirring, but now, they are complimented with trust and familiarity. Remember the moment that you first realized you were in love with that someone special? Remember the pounding of your heart, the shortness of breath, the joy, excitement and fear. Those are the feelings that flowed through me, those and more. When you first fall in love, you wonder if your love will be returned and it can be terrifying. There is a guarding against forgetting how completely and totally in love that I am with this man and growing complacent in that love, guarding against letting life get in the way and taking him for granted.

As I lie here watching him sleep, I know that I love him even more than that first moment. We have grown together and a beautiful friendship born out of love, respect and trust as well as faith in the Most High God. God has bound us together and allowed us to understand love as He intended it – in a way that some people will never understand. There is no doubt in my mind that I would do anything for this man and he for me.

So how then could I need to be reminded of how I felt when I first laid eyes on him, during our first conversation, that first time that he held my hand? How could I need to be reminded of how much I love him and how much I know that he loves me?

As I lay contemplating this, I realized that this is the same thing I have been experiencing of late in my relationship with God. I love Him deeply, much more so than when I first met Him. But, I often don’t see Him clearly in my rush to get through every day. On Sunday’s and Wednesday’s I am undeniably confronted with the person of God. I am surrounded by worship and must stop all other business of life. It is in those moments that I see Him, really see Him for who He is, the Almighty God, the lover of my soul, my Father.

As I thought about this further, I came to the realization that the real issue with both my husband and my God was the loss of intimacy. Intimacy is defined as a close personal relationship, a quiet and private atmosphere and a detailed knowledge resulting from a close or long association or study. I was allowing the business of my life to prevent me from seeing both my husband and my God clearly. A very dangerous thing… I have taken them both for granted by rushing through the days and just letting life carry me. Don’t misunderstand me, that doesn’t mean that I don’t deeply love them, it means that the close relationship – the one where my husband and I can practically read one another’s minds – is often clouded over with other things/people – the business of life. The connection is not operating to its full potential. It is at times like these where misunderstandings can occur and potentially worse yet, we carry on with the ritual of life not realizing that anything is wrong.

So where did all of this come from? As I went to bed I was praying for God’s wisdom in a difficult situation – one in which I will have to think on my feet. Praying that when this situation came to a head, that the Lord would talk to me a bit faster than usual – and maybe louder too. I want to be sure that I am hearing Him loud and clear instead of opening my mouth and sticking my foot in by uttering words that would hinder His purpose. So He did speak to me immediately and quite loudly he said, “Intimacy. That is how you can be sure to hear from Me in perfect time and more clearly. As closely as you were thinking of seeing your husband more clearly, see Me more clearly. Walk closely with Me and I will always deliver you. Don’t grow complacent in your relationship with Me, take the time to see Me for who I am.”

That came in loud and clear… Many days I still fail to slow down and do this and I suffer the consequences. I now I understand the reason why and I know the solution.

I would love to hear your thoughts…  Leave me a comment below.

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